i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize