Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize