Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
