I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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