Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
