we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
