she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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