My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
