By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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