Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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