She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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