just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
