let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
