Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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