I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
