dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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