My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
