You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
