I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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