Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize