Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
