There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
