sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
