Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
