I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
