no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
