I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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