new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
