When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
