if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
