Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
