Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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