Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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