my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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