Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
