had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
