Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
