I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
