i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
