if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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