I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
