It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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