alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
