allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
