Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
