My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
