What a fucking waste of an outfit
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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