she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
