Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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