Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
