found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
