I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
