there was a trapeze. enough said
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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