My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
