Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
