she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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