You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
