We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
