i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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