my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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