Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
did i walk over a car last night?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
