I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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