This is not my ceiling
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize