you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
