i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
