i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
