All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
