i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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