smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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